The scream amidst the darkness

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To bury head into your pillow is never less than any battle with sleep. The moment you shut your eyes it is all dark. So dark that nothing can be seen. So dark that is all black. The battle is not less than the conflict with darkness of your life.  All those unwanted clutters and cocoons of you are looking for some light.  Deep inside you are scared, shattered, rebuked and repulsive, you are hating that blackness of loneliness, and you are searching for some bright light to ignite and to vanish this infinite darkness.  This colour soon becomes a screaming voice into the void of your soul. You are in deep thoughts, standing alone amidst the murkiness around you, pondering and brooding and trying to find a little ray of escape. Escape is all what you are in hunt for. You tried and tried but lost. The fear of isolation was so robust that it made you forget to look behind you. You were so petrified that you could not understand someone at your rear. Apparently, you forgot what you learnt, that, when there is no light there is darkness and a shadow is an area of that darkness.  You were so adamant in nervousness to realize the worth of you, to know that your shadow starts from your feet and to know that you own make your shadow.  And then, when you became a saint of knowledge you had world around you giving all the light you want. You were no more in look for ray of hopes but was creating for others. 

THE CENTRE IS BEREAVING

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Shattered is what I feel

when my kids disdain me,

Sordid is what they call me,

Am I that abominable?

How can a mother loathe her children?

How can the motherhood let abandon her soul?

I ain’t a hearse for their debris

I am their MOTHER, their creator,

My soul lies in my kids; humans.

 

Do not disrespect me

for the destruction that has been caused,

I have been bearing your torments since ages.

You explore me and then you exploit me

like a lady working in a brothel.

Still! I enticed! Hoping for your love,

but, all that I got was slavish smirks.

 

Do not pant, when I rebel

because you don’t cheer

when I silently drink all of your sins.

I am Earth, the only place that supports life

So do not create havocs

that I someday lose my mind.

If I can give you life,

I can take that back too.

I am your Mother, your life giver

and your life builder as well.

I have love for you all,

Accept my love and not test my patience.

You humans will come and go

but I will never make a reappearance.




An include to my travel diary

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An Include to Travel Diaries

The honks of train, the sincerity of air planes, the noise of cars and dust stuck to the bars. Some people are made to love this. Some people feel great to feel it. Some people are born to travel.

Being one amongst them, I have always loved exploring my India all by myself. I have never missed the chance to do it. You enjoy the comely nature more when you are alone. In that little fear of travelling alone, you observe more people and a more integrated world. I have always been a garrulous person, so I was especially advised not to talk much with strangers. Traveling has always had a possession over me. My eyes kindle with great beams of happiness whenever I hear the word 'traveling'.

One of the best experiences I had was in Goa. It was basically my brother’s reception there. I had to go there alone. I was thrilled for this travel diary experience. I had to leave in the mid of November, when it is usually a bit chilly in Delhi.  Goa, having moderate summer temperature gets its peak months in November, December and January. I was all excited with the best of my summer shorts and dresses packed in my travel bag.  I wasnt able to wait a day more to board my flight to Goa.

Air-plane was all packed with passengers.  The air-hostesses were wearing excited smiles for landing in Goa. With the serenity and sincerity or I should say the peace of the passengers, I was all the more able to observe people around me and look down from the window to the bed sheets of clouds and sooner the view of a few states before Goa. I felt like jumping from there to land on that beautiful place with red roof houses. Carrying the Portugal feeling in them, people of Goa known as ‘Goans’ were advised to keep 70% of their roof ceiling red and sliding (must also be because of the heavy rain they get). The moment I landed there, my brother came to pick me up and took me straight near the Miramar beach. Trust me, you feel blessed when you have someone to provide you that homely feeling. I enjoyed my first sight-seeing and directly went to those famous stalls of golgappas and pav bhaji and a lot more tasty stuff. After being packed, we made a move to home.

I stayed there for a week and enjoyed the best of the winds, the beaches, the food, the peace and yes my beautiful summer dresses.  The city was all decorated with lights on roads. It looked most beautiful at night. Nights were a little chill and lighted everywhere while the mornings were refreshing, sending the cool fresh breezes. The coconut trees swayed all over to get us fresh coconut water.

There was not even a slight thought of tension for daily check-ins in hotels. I was delightedly served with the best food and love. What can be better than visiting a very beautiful place and not paying for the stay and getting the best of food and homely surrounding. This feel makes you more positive. And on a funny and being frugal part it saves a lot as well. It made me skip the excruciating stress of paying too much to stay. It was much like the icing on the cake.

Goa was full with simple people. People there are more calm and helpful. Their profession, which is mainly fishing, sets the example for them to be helpful. One can never do fishing alone, or let me say he can never nourish himself alone. He needs to take help of others. I visited boats and ships and very famous casinos, met much fish catchers, had a visit to the film festival that was going on there at that time and also got an opportunity to have my eyes on the world famous Amitabh Bachchan.  I had the best of that city. From the pancakes to the pickle, feni to the cashews and almost everything.

Sooner, the day came when I had to go back from a beautiful, lighted, refreshing city to a chillier one.  I was not really willing to leave that place. To add much fun to my returning as well, I opted for train. According to me, they are much more fun than planes. I was strictly advised not to talk to people, not to accept anything from people and many other things, like I was a kid. Yes, I was a kid, at least for them. I took my books along so as to keep my mind garrulous and not my tongue. Books are blessings. They let you talk with your time.

I had a journey of 28 hours. My books made me feel like I hardly had any hour to skip. I observed stations and people more nicely. I could also see the local trains of Bombay and to have a little peek in the outskirts of Bombay. I could see those high sky scrapers of that city from my station and little bit of roads, flooded with cars. I was able to see so many random people talking to each other and couples enjoying the sights and friends making the best of their trip. I was the only girl in my compartment; I chose to only observe them and not to really speak, keeping my elders’ advice in my mind. Though people around me were much educated. They all were travelling to Delhi for some of their specific reason. They had the chance of getting back to Goa, unlike me. Though, there were continuous calls from my parents and uncle, aunties to keep a check if I am consuming enough of food or not and much more if I am okay or not. This made the other passengers sure that I exist and knows how to speak. Late at night, everyone was asleep. We were near Rajasthan and it was really chilly there. We all had rough blankets over us to keep us warm. Everyone in my compartment was asleep. I was the only one enjoying busy hustle bustle of stations we were passing, late at night. I took my sleep after too much of sights for my eyes to witness. It was actually very late when I slept. This was also why I woke up late. When everyone was having their breakfast, I was opening my eyes. Delhi was just one hour ahead then. That hour was the one when I introduced myself to other passengers. I told them little about Delhi and the type of education system and available courses we have. They asked me if I wasn't scared of travelling alone but the possession of traveling in my eyes and smile told them all.

Travelling is fun. It is a passion. Not everyone can do it. Everyone likes to travel but rarely feel it. Travelling alone is one of the best ways to know yourself, to broaden your parameters of mind and for a lot more which you can explore when you’ll travel.



A 'NO' to fly

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They hold me. They trap me.

Why can’t I be a liberated bird?

They do not ever thump me

Not because I have developed

But because scars won’t let me say "I do"

You think I mean to marry?

 No!  Not marry. It’s Money.

Yes, money.  Business!

Soon I’ll be a trader

Trader by a traitor!

You wish to tie the knot, to be well-off.

I wish to be a girl.

All good with even being a meager one.

You wish to raise your life.

I’ll be asked to raise customers.

I’ll be asked to be the most attractive catch

I’ll be asked to wear cleavages

I’ll be asked to run streets naked

And, I’ll be asked… Asked?

No! I’ll be prearranged to do that.

Hold! Hold! This isn’t it.

You think, I should run?

I can’t even opt for it.

Nobody take notice of my moans

No one sees my damned soul

No matter how bad I crawl

They all are faster than all

They call me a bitch and a whore

And to my mother,

A lady carrying business for all.

Hold! Hold. This isn’t all.

You have more to explore.

Don’t want to know the rest of all?

It is more dreadful to explore

Much more of how I am a whore.

They are..  People.  Money.  Necessity.

Time. Situations.  And much more.

I became the source to answer all.

My body became answerable to all.

You think I should loath my parents?

I can’t even opt for.

This is a bitter truth of life

Life?  No! I can’t even name with that.

I wish to fly with colors like others

But no. how would I?

I am a girl who runs a business.

Yea!  Business. Body business.

I sell my body to eat and to wear.

And you dream to be a life winner.

That’s the difference between you and me

That will always keep on chasing me.



 

 

 

 

Beacause it is my thing of beauty

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Is it a thing to hold?

 I have my right on it

Dear mirror, I am a beautiful lady

No hag I am!

Why did that man call me ugly?

To dazzle is my right

I am angelic and classy

Every woman is that

Why do they compare?

Dear mirror, I am a comely face

Ain’t I?

Thou shalt not divide

Every she is a beauty

So am I. Ain’t I?

Magnificence is my thing

Ages do not ever splinter it

I do not need to keep the grip on it

I have my all right to allure always

Dear mirror, you can’t comply with world

You can not under any condition trick me

Show me striking or else I’ll charge you

I order you to prove them wrong

I am a beautiful lady

I want to show them all

Give me the drink, either or not

Enhance my beauty and prove ‘em wrong

Pour the feel oppose of ugly

Show me beauty and I’ll be your devotee.

 

 

 
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